"We told so!" says Flat Earth Society
By-Richard Gavitt
Hundreds of years ago it was widely believed that the Earth was, in fact, flat, and if you sailed too far into the ocean, if the giant squid didn’t eat you, you would sail off the edge of the earth.
In the recent years such primitive theories are scoffed at, and so-called “Scientific evidence” showed that the earth was spherical in shape, and not flat. Scientists for the Flat Earth Society have been researching for evidence to disprove such wild theories, and as of last night, have found the evidence they needed.
The scientists for the FES announced their historical findings this morning at an international press summit. “According to our research,” Non-descript Scientist One said, “The misconception that the earth is round is to be blamed by human perception. That is - our eyes.”
“That’s right,” Non-descript Scientist Two said “Everyone knows that human eyes are spherical in shape, and as such, so our the images we view with them.”
“The Light refraction from bends in our eyes, giving the perceived notion that flat objects are round.” Scientist One stated. “This being understood, it was easy to deduce that the Earth, appearing round, is actually flat.”
Controversy about these findings are few and far between. Even widely renowned promoters of the Round-Earth theory are being bought into the data. “I believe in numbers.” Said skeptic-turned-believer Ron Bernanke, “And their data has numbers. Big ones.”
There is no word, yet, as to the reality of sailing off the edge of the earth, or whether you sail to the underside of the earth, but research is still being conducted at FES labs for the answer.
So far the Giant Squid is unavailable for comment.
In the recent years such primitive theories are scoffed at, and so-called “Scientific evidence” showed that the earth was spherical in shape, and not flat. Scientists for the Flat Earth Society have been researching for evidence to disprove such wild theories, and as of last night, have found the evidence they needed.
The scientists for the FES announced their historical findings this morning at an international press summit. “According to our research,” Non-descript Scientist One said, “The misconception that the earth is round is to be blamed by human perception. That is - our eyes.”
“That’s right,” Non-descript Scientist Two said “Everyone knows that human eyes are spherical in shape, and as such, so our the images we view with them.”
“The Light refraction from bends in our eyes, giving the perceived notion that flat objects are round.” Scientist One stated. “This being understood, it was easy to deduce that the Earth, appearing round, is actually flat.”
Controversy about these findings are few and far between. Even widely renowned promoters of the Round-Earth theory are being bought into the data. “I believe in numbers.” Said skeptic-turned-believer Ron Bernanke, “And their data has numbers. Big ones.”
There is no word, yet, as to the reality of sailing off the edge of the earth, or whether you sail to the underside of the earth, but research is still being conducted at FES labs for the answer.
So far the Giant Squid is unavailable for comment.
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